5/7/2024

"The understanding that belief, of any sort, was a kind of encumberance to the relationship

that I was attempting to have with what I naively called reality." - Terence

"It took me a long time and most of the world to learn what I know about love and fate and the choices we make, but the heart of it came to me in an instant, while I was chained to a wall and being tortured. I realised, somehow, through the screaming of my mind, that even in that shackled, bloody helplessness, I was still free: free to hate the men who were torturing me, or to forgive them. It doesn't sound like much, I know. But in the flinch and bite of the chain, when its all you've got, that freedom is a universe of possibility. And the choice you make, between hating and forgiving, can become the story of your life." - Gregory David Roberts, opening paragraph of Shantaram

"The price of having an identoty is the inability to fundamentally transform it." - Louis Menand, The Metaphysical Club

4/21/2024

sharpening the senses to immediate details;

the processes, pains, and progress all alike.

tool your mind, and remember:

of its use,

thought is merely suggestive.

the dance.

world fails to suggest to us intelligibly, but only

as it knows.

tension.

between my days she follows,

natural as it seems.

constraints stare me back as I speak,

and she goes…

human language: a fish net trying to catch a flea. and

fantasy, because what else would I do?

I’m lost.

a damning spell.

fucking around I find things,

wild to consider.

animal instincts prime my senses,

even in synthetic environments, because

intellectually, I want

a fucking ride.

wild, that intellectual form comes to being, from an

animal running amuck.

forgetting the point, for a moment.

the infinitude begins to unravel before me,

painting its aim at seduction…

I return.

frustrate me not,

myself included.